On support

From dictionary.com:

sup·port [suh-pawrt, -pohrt]
verb (used with object)
1. to bear or hold up (a load, mass, structure, part, etc.); serve as a foundation for.
2. to sustain or withstand (weight, pressure, strain, etc.) without giving way; serve as a prop for.
3. to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.
4. to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: They supported him throughout his ordeal.
5. to maintain (a person, family, establishment, institution, etc.) by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.

I’m most attracted to #4, although I can see the appeal of #1.  I remember writing down my circle of support in my first year as an Apprentice at Shakti Rising, writing down the people closest to me next to my name.  Who would I call if I most needed support?  Now, as I walk through another dark time, I see why it is important to maintain support even when not much is going on.  My life can be filled with drama, true, but it can be filled with moments of point out dew on a leaf or showing someone my art.  In these moments, we create connection – which links into #5 – we supply the things necessary to exist.

I recognize that I don’t always reach out for support because I think it has to be a certain way.  I keep to myself a lot.  I have to make conscious time for people, with people, just for the sake of spending time together.  So it sometimes comes to crisis situations out of necessity, a “I need help right now.”  But I don’t want things to feel so drastic and dire all the time.  I want to express the curiosities in my life, too.  So, I step forward, seeking new forms of support – new ways of looking at my life and the people in it.  Yesterday, I was greeted by hugs and gratitude – I want to be able to support myself that way.  I want to ask for that.

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