Insomnia

I wrote this the other day around 4 a.m.

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t struggle with sleeping.  The truth is, my insomnia has gotten better throughout the years.  As a pre-teen, I felt lucky if I got six hours of sleep.  After tossing and turning in my bed, I’d often go to the living room and create a mattress out of multiple blankets.  Some nights, I’d watch an episode of late night TV and finally drift off afterward.

Now, while I wake up a few times at night, I usually can fall back to sleep.  I go through cycles where the early morning hours might be challenging, or where I struggle with falling asleep.  Sometimes I have cycles of vivid dreams that will leave me tired in the morning even if I wasn’t otherwise wakeful.

What works?  It varies.  I’ve tried various herbs, over the counter medicines, and the occasional prescription medication.  I’ve done alphabet gratitudes:  I am grateful for animals, birthdays, creativity, and dreams…  I’ve done breathing exercises and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as tapping).  Sometimes I’ll pick up a book and read.  At other times, I’ll change my sleeping location and fall asleep in a different room.  Sometimes, I’ll give up and start my day.

I’m writing this in the early morning hours, wishing I could savor a few more hours of quiet, undisturbed rest.  Sleep pauses my conscious thoughts, my busy mind.

Perhaps, in a few minutes, I’ll try again, wishing for a feeling of calm to wash away all other thoughts or experiences until morning.

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