Letters to 31 and 32

I began this entry last year, right before I turned 32.  Now that I’m turning 33 (tomorrow!), I have added to it and am sharing the whole piece.

***

Dear 31,
I know you
wanted more.
I saw you grasp at dreams as they slipped
from your fingers
You were idealistic even in moments of pain,
believed the words “stick with it, keep going,you’ve got this”
as you crumbled to the floor.

31, you chose to leave
a place you loved,
a situation you despised.
This was not easy.
You realized your dreams
were no longer your own,
you were left adrift on a sea
without a flotation drive.

Depression closed and opened doors for you,
Saying, “This life you’ve been living isn’t working
anymore.”  your hand on scar tissue,
you turned away.

returning to your hometown
a defeat and relief,
high desert blue
giving you a
safe haven in
family and the familiar.

therapy and medicine
created larger gaps
between you and futility
determined, in the midst of nights where you wondered why,
you pressed on

dance brought you
closer to your body
the rhythms finding you, inviting you,
tickling you into momentary laughter.  this is healing
you said.  this is healing. 

31, you sought sanctuary in rest
inspiration in art,
twisting wire into forms
stone settings beating strong

you began to recover your strength
stitching, breathing, hoping
resolved to choose love, to forge a stronger connections

Unfolding thoughts of a future again
knowing uncertainty lingered behind every bend
you stayed here, feet on earth,
saying, there is more, there is more.
my story continues.

***

Dear 32,
You opened your eyes wider this year.
Dancing your way to teach
laughing more
treasuring moments of communication
healing and hope in a promise of a vow.

You learned why and how
the world has always seemed too fast, too much, too harsh
why exhaustion and overwhelm are part of your everyday.
You learned tools
You are building a larger sensory world,
where you can touch, see, and hear
with less fear.

32, I have seen you stumble and hesitate,

and I have seen you dive in
with more awareness than ever before.
I have seen you begin to accept what was
So you can live more easily with what is.
You still donned your mourning veil at times;
you also celebrated life.

Contradictions abound, two truths existing in the same space
perspective on the past evolves.

healing friendship wounds and reconnecting
Transitioning, discussing, unfolding
Building a business wire by wire
print by print
piece by piece
trial and error
stretching out your muscles of
beginning
you gave yourself permission to not know

32,
I see you connecting to the world, giving yourself more space to live in it.
You are embraces being part of community again,
this time on your own terms, in your own way.
I see you shine more every day, the kind of shining that does not come from striving and exerting
but from being and following yourself.

***
Dear 33,
I love how symmetrical you are, the symbolism of your two 3s.
 You hold whispers of love and changes, new steps and lessons
dances and conversations.
You hold so many unknowns.
As the clock changes, as time tiptoes and leaps forward
I welcome you.
Advertisements

2 responses to this post.

  1. I love this, very well done and a great piece of writing! XX

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s