I found these in a journal from the summer of 2012.  I was in a writing group and we had an exercise on emotions.

Fierce Fighting Words Feelings
Strong Struggle Move Destroy
No, move through it
scream don’t push it down
I struggle with my violent tendencies,
easier to suppress but then I erupt in sparks and fire, BOOM!
Unexpected outbursts make me feel small and yet, being seen,
I also feel powerful. I could break you. I could break me with the force of this emotion.
I have held so much anger in. It lies dormant, waiting for an opening to be revealed
I long to access my anger’s power without it
consuming me

Laughing, we giggle and delight in these moments.
I’m alive, you’re alive, we are all alive
we dance in the brilliance of ourselves, of this moment, of the heart of love and light and laughter
joy needs no punctuation
joy has bright shiny wings
joy has so much to share
so let joy in.

There is also power in taking
joy from each experience, each day
and sharing it

I want to tell you tales of joy,
of births, reclamation, of dancing naked in the rain or moonlight,
saying “yes, this is me, and this is my life.”

I sat there on the windowsill, watching the rain fall.
I wished it could wash my pain away. I wished it could somehow make me feel cleaner, refreshed and new.
But I feel sad, a weight on my chest, I feel it growing, my tears left unresolved. No matter how much I cry, the sadness still remains.
The weight lifts a little, then settles back
and I try to smile more
I try to hold onto the light
and yet I still feel this way,
looking at a world I do not feel part of
Looking out, as though looking at a stranger,
at my own heart breaking
Feeling, wishing that I did not feel like my sadness would swallow me

I want to cover my eyes and hide.
I don’t want to say or share anything.
I’ll cover my face, muffle my words
I speak of how much I have carried throughout the years
how I believe it’s my fault
I cower. I conceal.
Shame rests in the dark places of my soul
tells me to mistrust anything that says it is okay to feel this way.
Shame feels sticky, heavy, like it could hollow out my heart
and fill it with so much pain.
I see you, shame, lurking at the edges of my vision.
I am ashamed of what I have done
Who I have been, of feeling so hurt and so raw.

Shared. Encompassing. Warm. Connected. Bright, a hearth, a home to return to. A candle burning brightly in the darkness.
When in doubt, return to these moments of connection
where I see the warmth in your eyes, comforting, clear, and sweet
so safe in this love
so real and vulnerable
loving each other in our imperfections
loving without worrying about the outcome

loving is the joy we take
from the moments we share
the circles we create.



Collage from Winter 2012



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